just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
