i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can you bring me the toilet please
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
