Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
