I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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