Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
