My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
