and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
