To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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