Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
