I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
