I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
