A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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