Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize