If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
