Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
