Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize