I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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