theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
