i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
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i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
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Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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