drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
