I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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