Got a toothbrush?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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