I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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