I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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