i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
