it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
