I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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