My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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