I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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