i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
