I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
