She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
