Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
