please come you make the beer taste better
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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