Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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