lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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