watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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