Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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