Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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