Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
God, I missed his penis.
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