Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
