I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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