"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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