apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
