Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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