Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
