Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
