He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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