I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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