By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
