the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
