1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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