Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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