I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
