Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
