this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
