that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
