I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
