do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
