i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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