so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
