Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Me. At least after what I've been through.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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