I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if only i could text you this smell
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
