he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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