She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just pee around me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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